Fairy Whispers

— New Beginnings —

Hi my loves, so happy to be checking in here and taking some time to lay down some words about this summer and the last couple of weeks. I remember the Kayture days when I used to write the longest articles every single day, feeling like time was running out, feeling like if I didn’t share content, if I didn’t release something on the internet : I simply didn’t exist. Since two years I feel like I have been unlearning so many things that have been affecting my mental health in such negative ways, but also appreciating all the incredible life experience I’ve acquired through these many years of working in the digital content creation industry. Appreciating all my hard work, my passion, dedication and will. I am still learning to balance, to find my peace in this crazy fast paced life, to create from the heart and not from pressure, to really allow myself to feel and especially honor my rhythm and body. I used to get sick so much in the past by pushing myself beyond my limits to the point of reaching burn outs and having to sleep for 48 hours straight without food to simply come back to life from over-working myself. I know the “influencer” activity has all sorts of stereotypes associated to it, but from my experience it is an activity so intimate, so inter-twined with personal life where it can be challenging to maintain healthy boundaries.

I feel like when I started Kayture in 2011 I was completely focused on success, I wanted to get myself out there, I was so focused, so determined, so competitive and ambitious. I had this inner fire which could make me work all night and wake up at 6am to get ready for a fashion show, change 4 times in a New York cab on my way to another event and finish the day at a dinner with a hundred people. That’s exactly the life I wanted : I wanted it fast, I wanted it big, I wanted it glamorous. And that’s what I got. However my life was only work. I was struggling so much in my romantic life and very rarely prioritized self care. The money was good, the reputation was good, but my energy levels were reaching their weakest point. So many things happened in the background, friends that betray you, brands who show no respect or loyalty, struggles with food and self image. Something in me was screaming : this is not who you really are. When I dyed my hair black and began focusing more on my music I felt like I began some deep shadow work. I started to look at these deeper parts of myself that needed so much attention, recognition and validation to feel good about myself. I started to look at why exactly am I having such a hard time in my romantic life. Why were my closest friends betraying me? Why weren’t my clients of many years being loyal to me when I felt like I was giving everyone all of me, my time, my efforts, my energy. These questions were starting to open some very deep wounds that I never took time to heal from my childhood and even deeper than that, karmic past life pattern that were becoming apparent. Music became my greatest teacher.

It caused me so much pain when my audience began asking me : aren’t you an influencer anymore? Why aren’t you blogging anymore? I was simply doing it my own way and I had never stopped blogging. You see the thing is, for many people, if you change the format, or if you do things a bit differently, they can’t put you in the same box as before. And I willingly wanted to create outside of boxes. I always had the deep belief that life is my canvas, that my life is my art and my art is my life. I can be a singer, an influencer, a model, a writer, a wife, a mother, a best friend and so much more. I can be all of it. I can change my hair, change my looks, switch it up, have fun. I can be me. I always felt like I had to justify myself to some people and it really took me some time to understand that trying to convince or explain to everyone my decisions is just a waste of my precious time. As a scorpio I work in silence, and then I share the fruits when they are ripe. Also as an empath I deeply care about my audience which I consider to be my soul tribe, my community that made me learn and grow so incredibly much. I pride myself in having so many deeply wise, profound, kind and compassionate individuals on their soul path following my adventures since years, and yes in many ways each opinion matters to me as we are reflections of one another. I am now learning to find the balance of hearing the opinions, being open to the kaleidoscope of view points, and being happy with exactly where I am while always open to learn, educate myself and expand.

As you know I have been living in Paris for the last 5 and a half years. I moved to Paris when I signed with a record label here and Paris became my love. I rented the most delightful apartment which became my temple and wrote so much music in there. Since the last two years though I felt like I was coming to a close of my deep shadow work timeframe. I have explored the literal caves of my being. I’ve been the hermit and with my torch I went all in to see where I needed some deep love and care, where the wounds were still open, where I was still so deeply hurting but showing no one. I realized that you can’t sweep anything under the rug, the more you do, the more certain aspects of yourself will attack you asking you : how could you abandon me? How could you ignore me like this? How could you silence this profound need of mine? You see when you run on empty, you repress so much. And when you open the closet, so much comes out. It’s about loving yourself back to wholeness.

It felt like I went from one extreme, bubble and pop, to the other one, dark and deep, to actually find myself standing right there in the middle : in my sovereignty, in my own self recognition, in my goddess energy as my higher self whispering to me “ Welcome home”. Since my spiritual awakening in 2019, I’ve being doing so much integration work and I understand now that I am the merging of Yin and Yang. I am whole. And that is the new beginning that is happening in my life now as I decided to return back to Source and actually move back to Switzerland to live closer to nature. It has become an actual necessity for me to have my feet in the grass, to sing to the river and have it sing back to me, to gently let trees support and accompany me on my spiritual journey here as a human being. I feel so grateful to be at peace with this decision and I know that I will always have a foot in Paris, as it is my love after all. I know that the calm and serene environment in Switzerland will greatly infuse my content, music and just overall creativity with the power and might of nature’s wisdom which is really what I want to channel into all of my art, whether it is through social media or my other projects. I also want it to be clear, I am so passionate about content creation. No matter what other activities I take on such as music, writing books, or maybe being a mom one day, I will always be a content creator at heart. That is how I started and that is truly something that brings so much joy to me, to have this direct interaction with you guys. So whenever you see that I’m not posting for a while don’t just assume that I quit, or that I’m no longer doing influencer jobs, or that I consider myself only a singer now. I’ve always been here, and I’m not ready to go anywhere. Honestly, I feel like I’m just getting started…

With all my love,

Kristins

Photography @paulinedarley

Dress : Self Portrait

Satori Garden

Definition of Satori : Satori (悟り) is a Japanese Buddhist term for awakening, "comprehension; understanding". It is derived from the Japanese verb satoru. In the Zen Buddhist tradition, satori refers to a deep experience of kenshō, "seeing into one's true nature". Ken means "seeing," shō means "nature" or "essence". Satori and kenshō are commonly translated as enlightenment, a word that is also used to translate bodhi, prajñā and Buddhahood.

I have no words to express how excited I am to share these images with you today which are filled with so much story and meaning. As you might know if you follow me on social media, I am all about balance and truly tuning into my own creative rhythm, like the cycles of nature or the tides of the moon waning and waxing. Respecting and honoring without forcing or pushing. I believe it is so important to trust our creative process and how it wishes to manifest. Since the beginning of my career I’ve always said that I have no interest in following trends, I’d rather make my own. Although of course some trends are indeed so fun and I love having a playful time with fashion and experimenting with beauty. And this goes as well with how I produce and share content, the energy that is behind it. In a world that seems so incredibly fast paced, I love find safe heavens, digitals portals that lead us into creative temples where we feel transported into our own inner peace. That has always been my wish for Kaza ☉ Bazan and I can see how it is manifesting now with the content that is slowly emerging. You can’t force a flower to bloom it has it’s own proper timing, your love will water it with delicate care and optimize it’s growth. That is how I feel about my life. I’ve always been an ambitious woman and my ambition sometimes took ahold of me and of my sanity. Where there is overwhelm there is misbalance. I now love savoring with delectation the sweet pace of my life and working on new projects, including this platform for which I have so many beautiful ideas. But each one in it’s rightful time.

I had heard of this incredible place near Paris called the Parc Départemental Albert Kahn and when I saw images of it, it looked exactly like some gardens I visited when I was in Japan. I have such a deep love relationship with Japan, it’s one of the very first cities I visited when I started my first blog Kayture and it’s culture remains so dear to me : with such a deep reverence for nature, wisdom, detail and slow life. I personally love a balanced life. A mix of passion with hints of contemplation, that’s my cocktail. Of course you could say Tokyo is nothing like this and there are many facets to Japan, like to each country. Yet there is something so fascinating about the Japanese mentality. To me it represents grace and harmony. I instantly felt like this set of image should carry the title of Satori. Above this text you can find the definition of this word which eventually simply means enlightenment. This is how I felt when entering this garden. A deep sense of remembrance or being One with All. I had the absolute delight to work on these stunning photos with my dear friend Pauline Darley who is quite the expert when it comes to discussing the magic of life, art and dreamy landscapes. We talked about our love for creativity, while making these photos in the most spontaneous and heartfelt way. I highly recommend you guys to go and check out her work on Instagram @paulinedarley as she very often publishes stories about her various ancient castles, sacred sites and beautiful enigmatic art visits. I’ve certainly discovered many fascinating things through her unique lense. It’s so refreshing to meet artists and creators who do their own thing, in their own way and don’t necessarily follow the rules of what’s trendy out there. That’s what has always so deeply inspired me, to pursue the path of inner self discovery and being the most authentic creator possible. Authenticity to me is the art of depth, the art of soulfulness. It’s a subtle dance that constantly asks : what’s alive for you right now? How do you love right now? Authenticity always brings you back to the present moment. The present being the gift itself.

Recently I also published a podcast episode in both french and english (you can listen to it here, it’s also available on any other streaming platform of your choosing) on the fascinating topic of culture. It’s so liberating to do these podcasts honestly, it’s just such an open, unfiltered and raw form of expression and I absolutely love it. I also want to thank each and every one of you who wrote me after listening to it as it truly means so much to me and I have so much gratitude and reverence for each one of your stories and feedback. Culture is such an interesting topic as it addresses those aspects of life that bring us together in celebration. Cultural beliefs, cultural ideologies, traditions that shape people, countries and continents. To me the beauty of humanity is it’s eclectic essence, it’s multidimensionality. We are like snowflakes, to each one it’s own unique shape, and yet we are all formed by Water, the Ocean of Consciousness, the Infinite Multi-Verse we are, experiencing itself in this sacred dance. I believe in us writing new stories of unity, of coming together, new stories of brining ourselves back into unconditional love in our totality, all parts and all aspects of ourselves. A new Renaissance. A New Earth such as Eckhart Tolle wrote about in this wondrous book.

I get a lot of questions about what unconditional love really is? How to let go of certain beliefs? How to actually experience Oneness? How to actually feel into the Quantum Field of All and truly know on a visceral level that we are Source experiencing itself. And the only thing I can say is : let life guide you. Let love show you. If you feel like you’ve never experienced love before, if you feel like no one taught you how to love, teach it to yourself, show yourself the path for it’s right there within and you know it. You know what to do, your unlimited, expanded self knows what to do. Surrender to the silence within you. This is the easiest and fastest path. And yet that is the doorstep many are scared to walk. It’s the void energy, that absolute space where all creativity emerges from. That silent ocean from which emerges all music and all vibration. In meditation connect to the very center of your heart and focus on the word Satori and just breath. Listen to your breath and allow it to guide you. Allow your body to guide you back into silence, allow Earth to hold you like a Mother, allow sky to watch over you like a Father, allow the stars to embellish and enlighten your inner gaze like your cosmic, ever-present and ever-lasting brothers and sisters. Allow your deepest wisdom to guide you through the many gateways of your consciousness. Sure some thoughts might arise like waves on an ocean. You get to feel them. You get to let them pass through you. You get to allow the emotions to be and to move. Beyond all this is Satori. It’s right here. It’s right now. Within All and at All times for us simply to tune in.

Spirituality to me is truly the path of integrity, integrity as wholeness, as totality, the path of unconditional love, the path of recognition. Recognizing we are one with all and how the outside doesn’t really exist : it’s an illusion. Without the vessel of your seemingly body : all that is, is consciousness, is the quantum field itself. Your body included is made of vibration. Is infinity. This is the very principle described in Buddhism as Samsara. Samsara is like the most subtle ethereal reality experience : whatever beliefs, whatever thought-forms, whatever identities you assign, whatever stories, whatever emotional charges you experience within in your inner narratives, you will experience externally. Life is truly so miraculous you see. We are infinite creativity experiencing itself. I meditate a lot on wealth and my greatest wish is for all humanity to manifest and experience wealth consciousness as a frequency that simply already exists and that we can attune ourselves to and never look back. I am currently reading the wonderful book called “Abundance” by Deepak Chopra and highly recommend it. I also really recommend the book “Busting Loose from the Money Game” which is another very, very powerful book on wealth consciousness. Don’t get duped by it’s tacky cover. This book is a very profound initiation with a lot of explanation on the latest quantum physics discoveries about our reality and how our mindset, beliefs and ways of thinking completely shape the trajectory of our adventure here. I know how easy it is to blame something our someone for where we are. And yet, to reclaim our sovereignty is to recognize we are infinite creation experiencing it’s vastness through tangible experiences. From a certain point of view the infinity we are, is neutral, it doesn’t judge. It allows for movies and stories to unfold. We are the writers, the painters, the poets. We are responsible : response + able = able to respond. I know it is tempting to think technology will solve all our “issues”. Yet technology always reflects our level of consciousness based on how we program it. And the truth is we haven’t even fully discovered the full vastness of our own inner potentials as studies show that we use only 10% of our brain capacity, that being mostly our left brain which is dedicated to analytical, logical, information synthesis. Can you imagine what happens when we activate the dormant 90%? What happens then? I’ll let you think about it.

So the questions are. If nothing was good or bad, what would you want to experience? If nothing was better or worse, simply experience, what would you want? If you had nothing to learn, what would you want? If you felt no external pressure, no external interference, what would you want? If nothing was destined, fated, or meant to be, what would you want? What are the stories that move you, what are the movies you love, is it what you want?

I’ll let you introspect on these few questions. These are great journal prompts ;)

And I am so deeply delighted to share these pictures with you. Enjoy them and I’ll speak to you very soon.

With all my Love,

Kristina

____

Credits

Photography : Pauline Darley @paulinedarley

Dress : Sandra Mansour

Clutch : Vintage ( no specific brand or tag )

Desert Rose

- OASIS OF HIDDEN DREAMS -

So obviously it’s been a while since I’ve been back from Marrakesh and I was meant to share all these wonderful pictures with you in due time yet there was always something that seemed to hold me back. It felt so new, in the best way possible trust me, to launch a new platform. Baby Kaza Bazan is getting built slowly and yet surely. I definitely don’t want to rush the process, it’s so important for me to take it step by step and to share deeply genuine content. After working for years on Kayture it definitely was quite strange to start this new chapter and yet a new platform has been calling me for so long and especially the deep need to rally a community centered around deeper more soulful subjects . Starting a new project such as this one is deeply exciting and requires a completely fresh outlook, mindset and innovative approach. There are so many topics I want to address and of course it’s a joy to already begin this process on social media with so many fantastic live interviews and a deeper insight on topics such as spirituality which is really at the center front of my life currently. The reason I am so invested in spiritual work is because I realize that everything streams from it. It really is the foundation of everything. Indeed our beliefs create our reality that’s a fact, but also our words, actions, view points and internal mental systems (meaning our relationship with the visible & the invisible). All this quite literally shapes no only our world but also all of our work. I’ve seen it at play in my music journey so vividly. As you guys might have noticed, and I know you did because many of you have been writing me messages about it, I explored the darker corners of my subconsciousness for a while and this really came about while I was recording my first EP. This whole musical process quickly turned out into a deep self-introspection and quickly opened all the hidden gateways of trapped emotions. Re-reading the lyrics of some of my older songs, I realize the psychological torment I was going through. It was beautiful, because it was like releasing so many things that were “stuck” inside, yet it was also so intense and I am sure you have felt it. I’ve always been hyper sensitive and aware of the intricacies of the world. At a certain point in my life, specifically around the period of the EP recording, I was going through tremendous hardship in my relationships and it seemed to me as if life was a real battlefield and I had to re-calibrate entirely my understanding and relationship with love. It brought up so many of my dormant, unhealed traumas back to the surface which I had the opportunity to put aside for a while as I was traveling and working on Kayture. This is really why there’s this distinctive physical “shift” from pink blondie to dark goth in such a short period of time. Of course the way we look often times transpires how we feel, it was definitely my case. I’ve always been a very bright, luminous human being and I believe my physical transformation quite literally represented me diving deep into the depths of my subconsciousness to heal these wounds that were left open for all this time. Now I celebrate this wholly space of No-Thing-ness within, the silence, the space. It might be my scorpio sun and ascendant that make it all-together even more intense aha, but I have truly made peace with both my light and my shadow and am now integrating on a psycho-somatic level all these breakthroughs. And yet I can truly say that spiritual development is never over, once we think we’re done healing, new aspects of our being come up to be integrated. That’s the beauty of the continuous cycles of self calibration and inner deep nurturing beginning with : inner self acceptance.

Needless to say, I went through a whole meltdown and life review while remaining alive. I had this belief in fact that one can only experience such a life review once you pass away, and yet I can say that it is 100% possible to do it while incarnated. I had the opportunity to review my entire life with a lot of perspective, I re-awakened dormant cellular memories in regards to certain past lives and the very physical effects that had on this life, especially from my birth and on, I learned about my main karmic patterns and how to work with them to eventually shift pattern repetitions. Eventually I learned and still learn every single day how to optimize my experience as a human being on every level of my life, to integrate more awareness into my experience and to truly be, speak and act from a space of absolute peace. It is told that we only use 10% of our brain capacity, all these spiritual modalities when done correctly and with proper intention, meaning genuinely, can actually activate these dormant areas and this is the reality of why and how mystics and professional psychics get to actually see and feel very accurately subtle information. It has been scientifically proven through MRI brain scans. Isn’t that fascinating? It seems that more and more science is confirming what spiritual wisdom lineages have been trying to say for centuries.

My main goal is to be able to bring teachings and concrete methods of self-development through this platform so that you have everything in one place to reach your goals of self-mastery and realization, we are honestly doing it all together. I would like to appear as a guide, guiding you on your own journey, providing techniques, trying them out myself before actually bringing them to you. There are so many so to say “spiritual movements” nowadays and I’d like to be your way-shower in the sense of actually coming to you with embodied experience as someone who’s tried out and is still working with what’s out there and giving tangible feedback on what works and what doesn’t whether it’s books, means of mediation, different healing techniques and so on. So make sure to stay tunes as much will be shared in the following weeks. I’d like to thank you as always for your love, your support and your presence which truly mean the world to me. The photos I am sharing in this article were shot at an absolutely mesmerizing location in Marrakesh, the Amanjena resort slightly outside la Medina. Amanjena is truly an oasis of peace. After a year of almost 0 travelling (you can imagine how challenging it was at first for me as my career always evolved around travel for so many years) it was absolutely phenomenal to arrive to such a safe haven of beauty with such a profound sense of mysticism. Thanks a million times to Amanjena for hosting us so dearly, for welcoming us with such warmth and care. We truly felt like queens and I hope that these pictures here can give you a glimpse of what it actually felt like to be there. In these photos I am wearing the beautiful brand Les Inconnus. I hope that you’ll enjoy this editorial shot by my talented friend Iulia Matei.

As always, with all my love.

Kristina

Photography : Iulia Matei

Outfit : Les Inconnus

Location : Amanjena Resort - Marrakesh