Fairy Whispers

— New Beginnings —

Hi my loves, so happy to be checking in here and taking some time to lay down some words about this summer and the last couple of weeks. I remember the Kayture days when I used to write the longest articles every single day, feeling like time was running out, feeling like if I didn’t share content, if I didn’t release something on the internet : I simply didn’t exist. Since two years I feel like I have been unlearning so many things that have been affecting my mental health in such negative ways, but also appreciating all the incredible life experience I’ve acquired through these many years of working in the digital content creation industry. Appreciating all my hard work, my passion, dedication and will. I am still learning to balance, to find my peace in this crazy fast paced life, to create from the heart and not from pressure, to really allow myself to feel and especially honor my rhythm and body. I used to get sick so much in the past by pushing myself beyond my limits to the point of reaching burn outs and having to sleep for 48 hours straight without food to simply come back to life from over-working myself. I know the “influencer” activity has all sorts of stereotypes associated to it, but from my experience it is an activity so intimate, so inter-twined with personal life where it can be challenging to maintain healthy boundaries.

I feel like when I started Kayture in 2011 I was completely focused on success, I wanted to get myself out there, I was so focused, so determined, so competitive and ambitious. I had this inner fire which could make me work all night and wake up at 6am to get ready for a fashion show, change 4 times in a New York cab on my way to another event and finish the day at a dinner with a hundred people. That’s exactly the life I wanted : I wanted it fast, I wanted it big, I wanted it glamorous. And that’s what I got. However my life was only work. I was struggling so much in my romantic life and very rarely prioritized self care. The money was good, the reputation was good, but my energy levels were reaching their weakest point. So many things happened in the background, friends that betray you, brands who show no respect or loyalty, struggles with food and self image. Something in me was screaming : this is not who you really are. When I dyed my hair black and began focusing more on my music I felt like I began some deep shadow work. I started to look at these deeper parts of myself that needed so much attention, recognition and validation to feel good about myself. I started to look at why exactly am I having such a hard time in my romantic life. Why were my closest friends betraying me? Why weren’t my clients of many years being loyal to me when I felt like I was giving everyone all of me, my time, my efforts, my energy. These questions were starting to open some very deep wounds that I never took time to heal from my childhood and even deeper than that, karmic past life pattern that were becoming apparent. Music became my greatest teacher.

It caused me so much pain when my audience began asking me : aren’t you an influencer anymore? Why aren’t you blogging anymore? I was simply doing it my own way and I had never stopped blogging. You see the thing is, for many people, if you change the format, or if you do things a bit differently, they can’t put you in the same box as before. And I willingly wanted to create outside of boxes. I always had the deep belief that life is my canvas, that my life is my art and my art is my life. I can be a singer, an influencer, a model, a writer, a wife, a mother, a best friend and so much more. I can be all of it. I can change my hair, change my looks, switch it up, have fun. I can be me. I always felt like I had to justify myself to some people and it really took me some time to understand that trying to convince or explain to everyone my decisions is just a waste of my precious time. As a scorpio I work in silence, and then I share the fruits when they are ripe. Also as an empath I deeply care about my audience which I consider to be my soul tribe, my community that made me learn and grow so incredibly much. I pride myself in having so many deeply wise, profound, kind and compassionate individuals on their soul path following my adventures since years, and yes in many ways each opinion matters to me as we are reflections of one another. I am now learning to find the balance of hearing the opinions, being open to the kaleidoscope of view points, and being happy with exactly where I am while always open to learn, educate myself and expand.

As you know I have been living in Paris for the last 5 and a half years. I moved to Paris when I signed with a record label here and Paris became my love. I rented the most delightful apartment which became my temple and wrote so much music in there. Since the last two years though I felt like I was coming to a close of my deep shadow work timeframe. I have explored the literal caves of my being. I’ve been the hermit and with my torch I went all in to see where I needed some deep love and care, where the wounds were still open, where I was still so deeply hurting but showing no one. I realized that you can’t sweep anything under the rug, the more you do, the more certain aspects of yourself will attack you asking you : how could you abandon me? How could you ignore me like this? How could you silence this profound need of mine? You see when you run on empty, you repress so much. And when you open the closet, so much comes out. It’s about loving yourself back to wholeness.

It felt like I went from one extreme, bubble and pop, to the other one, dark and deep, to actually find myself standing right there in the middle : in my sovereignty, in my own self recognition, in my goddess energy as my higher self whispering to me “ Welcome home”. Since my spiritual awakening in 2019, I’ve being doing so much integration work and I understand now that I am the merging of Yin and Yang. I am whole. And that is the new beginning that is happening in my life now as I decided to return back to Source and actually move back to Switzerland to live closer to nature. It has become an actual necessity for me to have my feet in the grass, to sing to the river and have it sing back to me, to gently let trees support and accompany me on my spiritual journey here as a human being. I feel so grateful to be at peace with this decision and I know that I will always have a foot in Paris, as it is my love after all. I know that the calm and serene environment in Switzerland will greatly infuse my content, music and just overall creativity with the power and might of nature’s wisdom which is really what I want to channel into all of my art, whether it is through social media or my other projects. I also want it to be clear, I am so passionate about content creation. No matter what other activities I take on such as music, writing books, or maybe being a mom one day, I will always be a content creator at heart. That is how I started and that is truly something that brings so much joy to me, to have this direct interaction with you guys. So whenever you see that I’m not posting for a while don’t just assume that I quit, or that I’m no longer doing influencer jobs, or that I consider myself only a singer now. I’ve always been here, and I’m not ready to go anywhere. Honestly, I feel like I’m just getting started…

With all my love,

Kristins

Photography @paulinedarley

Dress : Self Portrait